Thanksgiving is fastly approaching, and has had me thinking of alot of family things, the past, and the future. And the many things, that I have, to be Thankful for.
I have wanted to write this post for almost two weeks now, but my fears keep getting in the way. Then I decided that, if I don't share my story, I am not being honest with myself, sharing truth, and therefore, not living the whole and complete life I want to be living.
This month of November, has been just incredible so far, and I have so many great things to share with you. Dreams and wishes, coming true.
I received a magical Birthday gift from my loving daughter and found out I am going to be a Grandmother!!! Really excited about the news! Baby should be arriving in June, we will know more in a little while.
At the beginning of November, I received my congratulations letter, and a complimentary copy from Somerset Studio's Magazine Nov./ Dec. issue, saying that they had published my work, in their beautiful magazine. Let me just say.. OMG!!! I was just sooo excited, over the moon excited, to have my work published in the very pages of the magazine, in which I have so strongly admired. It has been a dream of mine, for some time now.
Then, the next day, I received ANOTHER letter, congratulating me for being published in Somerset Memories Magazine!!! As I kept reading the the letter, it blurred, as the tears welled up in my eyes, and ran down my cheeks. Happy tears, Thankful tears, tears of pride, and tears of accomplishment.
It wasn't until the beginning of last year, 2011, that I called myself an artist. And really believed in myself, and my gifts. This was truly my Ah Ha moment." I AM AN ARTIST", I thought to myself, I have made it. It's now official. I am becoming! Self affirmation is a powerful thing. These are the pieces I sent in to the magazine, but it is the story of how these came to be, that I would like to share with you.
I created these Ornaments as tribute to my family members that have passed. I titled them "With us in Spirit."
In May of 2006 I lost my cousin, then 6 months after that In November, I lost my father. Devastating to loose a parent. The pain was so hard for me to bare. A year and a half later in May of 2008,I lost my Sister, 6 months later in November of 2008 I lost my Grandmother, and 6 months after that in May of 2009, I lost my uncle. That same year in 2009 there was a terrible recession, my husband works in the concrete construction industry and I was working on commissions as a design consultant. There was no work, we were at our lowest point of our lives.
Dirt poor, struggling,scared, shattered and weak.We ended up loosing our home that year too, and with it, there was so much sadness. Loss after loss, I had lost my faith in everything.
I thought, "How can this really be happening", and it was just so hard to keep going. Not knowing what to do, where we would go, or how things were going to work out.
We donated and sold most of our belongings from that house that we lived in for 11 years. It was all just so difficult.
I was numb,and I didn't like the person that stared back at me when I looked into the mirror. I was devastated by experiencing so much loss so close to one another, that it was hard to process all of the feelings, I was lost, and I was in a very dark place.
We ended up moving into my fathers home, which is a tiny house. Only 820 sq. feet, and was built in the 40's. Though temporary, I am Thankful for having it.
In order to keep going, I had to change my perspective. I started practicing a daily ritual of what I had to be Thankful for. And would recite the words "I am Thankful For... whatever it was... Warm water,this meal,toothpaste, clean clothes, heat, this coat, etc. Everyday, all through the day.
Eventually, I started to see the light again. I started to enjoy life, and wanted to be inspired by the beauty of life. I took a job as an Assistant Manager at a thrift store, and worked there for a year, before transferring into Administrative work, at a Senior Day Center. And, it was better, income, though small, I was becoming again. I also took some courses to help me find "ME" again, and really took a good look at what I wanted out of this life, and what would make me happy. And what I wanted my life to be. I started believing in myself and wanted to explore the options of living an artful life.
It was that year in 2011, I found Somerset Magazines, the beauty inside the pages. The positive stories of women finding, and living their dreams. It was so inspiring,beautiful, and uplifting, and gave me hope. I thought, "Someday I want to have my work in this book."And began working on a dream. I set up a studio space in a spare bedroom, and began creating art. Healing my soul one piece at a time. I felt an awakening in me, and I liked it! Looking back, I feel this was a gift sent to me.
So having my work in this Magazine is a huge milestone for me, it marks a momentous journey that I have undergone. A transformation, a place of Happiness and Joy. I have met some of the most amazing people since opening myself up to this new world of color.
And now, I am only thinking positive things for the future. I am so Thankful for my life, and Thankful for Today.
Maybe me sharing my story, will somehow, help inspire someone out there, who has suffered with difficulties too. It is my hope, that we all are Thankful for what we have today, not the past, or the future, but right here and now,this moment. Because this moment is wonderful!
Wishing you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving...
Many Blessings,
Susan Xo
